New Beginnings

I was absentmindedly watching the news, as an Australian couple captured my attention. Their property was one of many that have been destroyed by the recent bushfires, and yet there was something different about this story.

They’d had a little bit of rain, and theirs was a story of hope. In amongst the devastation, this couple were showing the journalist plants and bushes that were growing. They showed burnt seed pods and explained how some plants will only release their seeds in the intensity of the fires heat

It made me think about the tough seasons that we all go through. Those seasons where it can feel like life burns us. At the time everything can feel lost, and destroyed beyond repair, and yet those moments can be seeds of what we are to become.

For us it was the Credit Crunch of 2008. I remember that year so well as it coincided with the birth of our third child, and here we were, being plunged into a recession.

My husband was an Independent Financial Advisor and so we watched in horror as his industry, his income and his identity, were burnt by the wild fires of the Credit Crunch. It’s taken us many years to recover from that particular fire but we started to call it our “Diamond Years”. The years of intense pressure that would produce something of beauty.

Now as we start 2020, I’m very aware of a sense of “rain” on our lives. Things are starting to bud and bring forth new life in places that looked like they were burnt to a cinder. The visual example of the Australian bush seemed resonated with what I have seen, and continue to see in my own life. No matter how burnt we get, new life is possible!

As I write I’m so excited about what the future is bringing us. Some things will never be the same but they’re just providing the soil for other things to grow!

My 2020 Goal is to not set any!!

I’m done with Goal Setting! I know the theory.  I’ve read the books. I’ve attended the training, but I quit! It simply doesn’t work for me, so this year I’m doing things differently!

Over the years I’ve tried and tried to set goals but I have two struggles, firstly defining my goal into something that’s “S.M.A.R.T.”, and secondly remembering what I’ve set! So I guess it’s no surprise that I stumble across notebooks from various years that all contain similar, still unachieved, goals. I still want to read more, have more control over my finances, live in a nicer house, see my friends more, have great relationships with my husband and kids, run a marathon…

So this year I’m taking a different approach! One of the books that challenged my thinking last year was James Clear’s Atomic Habits. In it he talks about the power of habits and simply improving by 1% every day.

I’m no longer worrying about defining what the end goal looks like, but simply stacking habits that will help me go in the right direction.

For example, my dream of running the marathon, is simply too big! I tried to break it down in to smaller stages but injuries and time pressures stopped me fulfilling it. So this year I’m focusing on exercising 3-4 times a week. If I simply keep showing up and improve by 1% who knows what I’ll achieve by the end of the year!

I have a dream of living in a beautiful home but we don’t currently have the resources to tackle it head on. So each year it’s waited as an unobtainable goal.  However, if I can build a habit of making the most of what we do have, regularly improving spaces by 1%, who knows where the house will be by the end of the year.

Some things are values that I hold but struggle to define as a goal. It’s important to me to have great relationships with my husband and kids. How can be condensed down into a task that can be marked as completed? So instead I’m building the habit of spending weekly 1:1 time with each of them, ensuring we have fun and keeping the lines of communication wide open.

So if like me, you struggle with goal setting, maybe thinking about the habits you are building will help you move in the direction you want to travel?

Making my voice heard

Just before heading out for lunch, I was stood phone-in-hand, chatting with friends.  I’m quite expressive as I talk, and although I don’t remember how it happened, I vividly remember it.  Time seemed to slow down as I watched my phone slip out of my hand and somersault until it rested face down on the concrete floor!!

 I fully expected to pick it up and find the screen shattered but amazingly it appeared to be fine.  Feeling very relieved I put it in my pocket and we set off for lunch.

During the meal, I took out my phone to take a photo, and realised the extent of what had happened.  While the outside was ok, the camera was now totally unresponsive. It didn’t matter how many times I switched it off and on again, it didn’t matter which app I tried, nothing responded.  I couldn’t even get the torch to work!

Everything non-camera related worked fine, and I wasn’t due an upgrade for a year so I decided it was something I could live with. (Especially when I found out the cost of getting it repaired!) Other people can always take a photo I reasoned, and so I waited patiently for my next upgrade. It seemed such a simple thing but it had an unexpected impact for me.

By not having a camera I wasn’t able to record moments and save memories for future days.  It also meant I had less to post on social media and no images to supplement a blog post. Over the months I stopped writing and I pulled back from social media.

Now less time on social media has to be a good thing doesn’t it? We’re often reminded of the evils of social media, the desire for “likes”, the insecurities that can develop, the unkind comments written, let alone how much time it can steal.  

“The Only Thing Necessary for the Triumph of Evil is that Good Men Do Nothing”

But recently I’ve had several reminders about the importance of adding our voices to the bigger conversation. We all have something we can share which can make someone smile, see things in a different way or simply bring hope.  Whether it’s a funny story, a recipe, a picture of us having fun or words of wisdom regarding a situation. 

So this year I’m deciding to show up and join in the conversation.  So no this blog post doesn’t have the all important image to accompany it – but I hope you still enjoyed reading it and that many more will follow.

Writing one more post

The idea behind this blog was to give me a place to sharpen my communication skills. To regularly practice putting words together to communicate an idea. To bring hope and encouragement to others as I reflect on my own life and the lessons I’ve learnt.

The discipline to produce 200 words, regardless of how I felt would, I believed, encourage me to keep a flow of creativity in my life. The reality was very different.

The pressure to write something profound, meaningful and shareable, meant I would hide in the busy-ness of life and not attempt that first sentence. The complexity of websites, coding and design, were confusing enough to make me avoid logging in and educating myself on all that was necessary.  The thought of self-promotion and being social media worthy, made me want to log off all forms of technology. The podcasts on communication and writing I listened to, increased my desire for perfection so no first draft was written to avoid missing the mark.

But today is a new day.

It made me wonder how often I do this in other areas of life when there’s a goal or a dream I find too scary to start. How often do I hide and avoid, procrastinate and make excuses. And yet at the same time I regret, and wonder what could have been, had I been brave enough to simply start.

So today I’m hitting publish once again. It may be a weak start on a small dream, but it could turn into a significant start to a much bigger dream.

Growing A Garden

We moved into our current home over 10 years ago when our boys were very young. Within a few months, I fell pregnant with our daughter and so life here has always been busy. However, the one place of very little activity over the years, has been our garden.

The house has a large garden with deep flowerbeds and several trees. Previously the garden had been used to feed a family, with rhubarb, gooseberries, apples, blackberries, redcurrants growing. As well as fruit there had also been a vegetable patch which I once tried to resurrect, and a variety of herbs.

Under our neglectful care, the blackberries managed to thrive, taking over as much as they could despite our annual attempts to cut them back. The only other plants doing well seemed to have prickles too. Roses and an enormous Japonica bush, flourished much to our distress each time we caught ourselves on one of the thorns.

This summer I decided enough was enough, and the japonica, with its flame orange flowers, was going. It was a harder job than I had anticipated and took a variety of tools and many days to conquer. Its roots had gone down deep and were now entwined with tree roots. Every time we would leave it for a few days, the bare stems would start to sprout leaves again, mocking our attempts to curtail it.

Eventually we were victorious, and in the process removed many brambles, bulbs, tree roots, rose bushes, cherry tree sprouts and even a 30cm oak tree that had been hiding.

Our newly cleared bed was then filled with a variety of flowers, and prickle free plants, that we love. Butterflies and bumble bees are also enjoying the new attractions to be found.

There’s still more we want to do, and it has been incredibly hard work, but the transformation has been worth every sore muscle. So much so, it makes us wonder why we never did it before.

We all know the theory that anything worth having is worth working hard for, and yet, how often in life do we take the easy route? We rob ourselves of the life we want because we want to avoid the hard work it takes to create it.

As I sit and enjoy the tranquility of my garden, I hope it always serves as a reminder to me to work hard for my dreams.

No more excuses…

For my 10th birthday I had a long white nightie, with little blue flowers on it, a matching full length dressing gown and matching slippers.  It was from Marks & Spencers and I loved getting ready for bed and being able to put it on.

But getting ready for bed, and actually going to bed were two very different things.  “Stop Procrastinating!” became my mum’s mantra, as I found excuse after excuse to stay up a bit longer, and not get on with the task of going to bed.

My taste in night attire has changed since then, but in many other ways I haven’t. Procrastination still plays a major role in my life as I find excuses not to do things. Not just things I should be doing but things I actually want to be doing.

Looking back some of those excuses seem so ridiculous… When I’m older… if I were younger… when I’m curvier… when I’m skinnier… when I’m married… when I have kids… when the kids are older…

I often failed to see how perfect a moment was to simply get started!  If I hadn’t procrastinated then, where would things be now? If I’d simply started and had a go, how much progress would I have made?

So today I’m choosing to say yes, to stop procrastinating, and start doing some of things I’ve been putting off.

What about you?  In 5 years time what will you be thankful that you started today?

Fogotten Dreams…

“So, what about you? What are your dreams for this year?” It was a simple enough question, and one I had asked others many times. Yet when someone asked me I was stumped for an answer…

I’d spent so long in my roles as wife, mother, assistant, coach and friend that somewhere in the midst of it I’d got lost. I’d put other people’s needs, wants and dreams before my own, until I’d reached a place where I’d forgotten my own.

I’m the kind of girl who likes boundaries. I like to know what is expected and then I can make it happen. So helping others achieve their dreams is simple. Point me in the right direction and off I go. But give me a blank piece of paper… take away all the boundaries… lift the limits… and ask me to dream about the impossible, and suddenly I’m lost. I don’t know where to start, or at least at that moment in time I didn’t.

So here I was. Stuck. Unsure of who I really was anymore.

I hadn’t always been that way. When I was younger my heart was full of dreams. I had a strong sense of identity. I knew who I was and where I was going. I was eager to learn and ready to grow. But life had somehow knocked that all out of me. So here I was. Stuck. Unsure of who I really was anymore. I was unsure of my goals, unsure of my dreams and even unsure of how to start dreaming again.

I remembered the parable of the talents that Jesus told (Matt 25:14-30). He described 3 men who were each entrusted with a type of coin called a talent. Two chose to use what they were given and multiply it into something greater. The third, out of fear, buried it (and his head) in the sand. That third man didn’t experience any increase, and even what he had was taken from him, and given to one of the others.

For me, the message was clear. I couldn’t continue to bury my talents and dreams in the sand. I have a responsibility before God to use them and fulfil what I was created to do. The dreams I once had needed to be brought back to life so I could be a blessing to others and flourish as a person.

I started to go back to old notebooks and diaries and stired up those forgotten dreams. Some had passed their sell-by-date, but others started to come back to life. I started to think, pray, research and write, and slowly those dreams, and my sense of identity, started to come back into focus.

I still don’t know all the answers but I do know the next steps and I’m taking them! The journey isn’t always easy but its amazing to see the “coincidences” that occur as I step out. Slowly but surely I’ve remembered who I really am meant to be.

So let me finish by asking you the same question… What about YOU? What are YOUR dreams for this year?

Building Healthy Habits

I’m not really sure when it happened… when the change took place… all I know is I wasn’t as fit as I used to be.  As the children started getting older I spent less time chasing them around parks and more time driving them to various locations. More and more of my time was spent sitting at a desk and less of my time was engaged in physical tasks.  

To tackle this I started intentionally walking a bit more.  I started checking the pedometer on my phone to see if I could reach 10000 steps in one day.  From there I brought a pair of trainers, downloaded a Couch25K app and started running!  Well, sort of running.  For the first week you had to just manage to run for 60 seconds three times.  That was more than enough!  I thought I was going to die!  But slowly, as I followed the program I got to the place where I could run for 30 minutes.

I didn’t commit to running a marathon, or completing a 5K in a certain time.  I just commited to putting on my trainers and getting out there three times a week and the rest followed.

Some where along the journey I stopped viewing myself as someone who needed to improve their fitness, to someone who made healthy choices, and exercises regularly.  When I couldn’t run I found myself looking for alternative ways to exercise, and my wardrobe changed as different items of running gear started to appear.

I’m not as fit or as fast as I want to be, but this May I’ll be running my second 10K in London and that’s an acheivement I will be very proud of.

It’s amazing how a simple small habit can create a great result.

And so it’s Thursday again…

I made a promise to myself that I would write a blog post every Thursday.  A promise I never kept.  But a promise I keep returning to. But why? Why choose to carve out time to write? Why force myself to think of something new to say each week?  Why write a blog?

I love communication.  I love being able to share ideas and concepts through words and images.  I love watching people experience an “Aha!” moment as they see something they’ve never considered before, and I love having my own “Aha” moments as I learn from those around me.  I love communication and I want to get better at it, and I know writing will help me with that.

But, as with all things worth having, there’s a price to pay.  It takes time to create content.  It takes time to work out how the finer functions of WordPress work. It takes time to find a niche and make it my own.

And so the days, the week and the months go by, and the routine is lost. Other demands take priority on my to-do list, and writing gets forgotten.

How often do we envy those who have worked hard and are now living their dream, and yet we’re unwilling to put in the hard work so we can live our dreams too? So this Thursday I’m taking as step forward and I’m writing.

Will you join me and take step towards your dream today?

 

Learning to practice what I preach!

Oh why is it so much easier to see what other’s need to do than it is to apply it to ourselves?!

In a recent coaching conversation we were discussing the benefits of journalling and creating an end to the day.  My client was thrilled with the difference journalling had made to her life.  No longer did she wonder where her time had gone, instead she had time and space to reflect on the day.  It also gave her insight into what was needed to help her move forward the next day.  Her partner had even noticed the huge difference it was making for her.  No longer was she tossing and turning during the night, but sleeping soundly.

During the coaching session I celebrated this great win with her and thought about my own journalling process.  It is true that so far this year there is an entry for every single day!  However, a few of them have been written the morning after the night before.  The closure to the day that I had talked through during coaching wasn’t something I was diligently doing myself.

And the sad fact is that it was only in the middle of the night, as I was tossing and turning, that I realised once again how it’s the simple daily habits that we create that make the greatest difference in our lives.  It’s easy to know what we should be doing, it’s much harder to actually do it!  However, by building simple habits into our daily routines we can use these building blocks to create the life we dream of.